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  • Mary Katherine L

thank u, next

Imagine a person, Sam, who grew up in a home where they were criticized and belittled whenever they showed or expressed that they were upset. Sam learned that they could avoid being punished with cruel words if they hid out alone where no one could see how upset they were. Now an adult, Sam is surrounded by people who are willing -- who want -- to listen to their hurt. Still, rather than talking with the people that want to support them, Sam still finds themself hiding away time and time again, even though they don't want to.


This is an example of a pattern I've seen a lot:

That behavior that's now so frustrating was once a survival mechanism.

In other words, that behavior or habit you wish you could break wasn't always frustrating. At some point, it was necessary in order to manage whatever was happening in your life at that time. Now you feel frustrated, but that frustration is only possible because you no longer need that behavior -- you've evolved and grown beyond it! It's now irrelevant.


But, just because you can see how that frustrating behavior used to be a survival mechanism doesn't mean that the behavior isn't still frustrating! So, what can be done? Well, you can look at it in a new light, thank it, and let it go.


Marie Kondo developed the KonMari Method for decluttering and organizing your space. In it, she emphasizes the importance of gratitude and appreciation. More specifically, she encourages discarding items only after thanking them for what they've taught you.


The same can be applied to that frustrating behavior.

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